Not being able to sleep because you woke up feeling (still hungry), bloated and scared of what you ate hours ago. This is bullshit. I’m so tired and I cant sleep because I’m stressed because I ate a BANANA? among other things..? (I ended up actually eating a whole one, not half). I’m really trying hard to make them safe for me but its just not happening. Having an eating disorder is so dumb and I’m so tired of this being my life. So then I ate the whole rest of my Chocolove dark chocolate bar at 3 AM because I don’t know, I think it was stress eating to be honest, shit (ate the whole 480 cal bar between yesterday and tonight, and am hating myself so much right now. binge, not binge, totally unsure?!) I feel so alone, fat (which I know is crap, but its how I feel and think I look, its horrible), and upset. I’m trying to do the whole “listening to my body” thing, but its just scaring and confusing me and making me feel worse because half the time I don’t know if I’m hungry or full.And now I’ve dragged myself to the scale like an idiot, see a two pound and a half pound “gain” and am breaking down in tears. I hate this life. I can’t do this. I feel like I’m going to trigger myself into relapse already.